Thursday, February 3, 2011

What a Strange Feeling That Is...

So it's been 10 years since I lost my father. He was one of, if not the most important person in my life. When he passed away so suddenly in July of 2000 it was one of those life moments that really takes you by surprise. It affected me in ways I had no way to prepare myself for. It was like a piece of me was taken. I never thought that I would be able to recover from the loss, it was as though my hero, my inspiration had been taken from me.
The days slowly turned to weeks and turned to months. Months became years and I realized that there was life after the loss. Although not a day goes by that my Dad does not cross my mind at some point. Sometimes I dream about him, and when I wake up I have to realize that he is not going to be here. It just feels that real to me sometimes.
I had a dream the other night that I was with my Dad. We were on some sort of road trip, just the two of us. In the dream we were doing the touristy things. I had with me in the dream a video camera that I was using to capture the moments of the trip. At the end of the dream I am in a room with my family, gathered around a television set preparing to watch the 'home videos' my mine and my father's adventures on the road. (this is where it gets creepy) When I start playing the video and explain to the people there what we are doing, all the scenes that were of my father, he was missing. An empty driver's seat in the car, and empty diner chair across the table from me. It was all very surreal to me. It was very strange, I am not sure what it all means.
Anyway, the whole reason why I started to write this entry was because of a strange occurrence that happened at the bookstore tonight. My friend Sherri and I were walking around in Chapters while Mikayla was at her dance class. We were just browsing the books as normal. We walked around the end of one shelf and something caught my eye. (My Dad had an avid interest in anything to do with airplanes, flight etc.) Sitting on the end of the shelf was a boxed kit of "The History of Flight" there was a black and white picture of the Wright Brothers and one of the 'Wright Flyers' on the cover of the box. As soon as I saw it I thought to myself, "Oh that's on sale, I should buy that for Dad" Then reality clicked in and I realized that Dad is gone, and has been for 10 years.
It's just amazing to me that after all this time that's passed, and how much I miss him and think about him everyday that something like that would happen. You would think that after 10 years I would not forget that my Dad wasn't around anymore. It was a very disturbing thing, and therefore I thought I would put that out there.

If anyone else has had a similar experience I would like to hear about it.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I lost my mom 5 years ago-

I've had a few, moments like that.

most recently, my aunt lucille past away, and the first thought was to call my mom and see if she was okay...

It's a weird feeling, thats for sure.

Seansjeep said...

First off thanks for making me tear up. I run into those momments all the time. I have dreams that have hime in and its not about things that we did when he was around but he is in all the things that happened after he passed. Its a really weird feeling.

Anonymous said...

Thanks For Sharing. I believe in Miricle's such as you shared, whether we have them in our dreams or by some mysterious messages when we lose loved ones.. proves that they still love those they send there message too when they are gone